No lobster for Luscious

A platter fo crayfish at Jacala in Anguilla. Photo by David Lansing.

So we’re dining at Jacala on the beach in Anguilla and Jacques brings out the whole snapper meunière which he’d pretty much insisted Luscious order. It looked nice, even though I’ve never been a big fan of eating animals who stare back at you. There was the little fishy, cloaked in a few bright spears of asparagus, and topped with a lemon hat as if it were wearing a yellow derby. Very pretty. Oh, and, of course, the meunière (which is really nothing more than browned butter with parsley and lemon).

Jacques stood next to Luscious, his arms lowered, his hands crossed, waiting for her to say something.

“Well…that looks nice,” she said.

Jacques, satisfied, nodded and quickly left the table. A minute later he was back with my Anguilla crayfish.

“Oh!” said Luscious when she saw it. “Oh! Oh!”

Now if you’ve ever had crayfish in New Orleans, you probably think of crayfish as being these little critters not much bigger than a finger that, after much work, give you maybe a single bite of food. But that’s not Anguilla crayfish which are actually a smaller, sweeter lobster (the spotted spiny lobster or Panulirus guttatus) than the traditional Caribbean spiny lobster.

I figured I’d get a couple of the gorgeous crayfish Jacques had showed me earlier. But no…I got six! A platter full of crayfish! A bounty of crayfish! A pot of crayfish! Which is why Luscious had gasped when Jacques brought them to the table.

So Luscious had her little boney bug-eyed snapper with a French sauce she didn’t want and I had a turkey platter spilling over with just-caught Anguilla crayfish.

Now some people in this situation might be tempted to share. To say to Luscious, “Hey, that boney goldfish you have looks really yummy. How about if we split our meals and I’ll give you some of my sweet, delectable, just-caught lobsters, since I have so many of them, for a bite or two of that gimlet-eyed fish you haven’t touched?”

But here’s another one of my rules when eating out: I don’t share plates. Ever. With anyone. If you just happened to order the crappiest thing on the menu because you don’t like to get the same thing someone else is getting, well too bad. No lobster for you. Sorry. I ordered the lobster, I’m going to eat the lobster. So keep your goddamn fork away from my plate. Oh, and bon appetit!