Learning to speak Kiwi

Photo by David Lansing.

Adriena is a Jafa who has lived in Los Angeles for several years. (Jafa, if you’re wondering, stands for Just Another F…ing Aucklander.) When I first met Adriena, her En Zed (that’s New Zealand) accent was slight. But here in Dunedin it’s sweet as, bro. Everything in New Zealand is “sweet as.” Sweet as what, you may wonder? They don’t say. It’s just “sweet as.” For instance, today Adriena suggested we have lunch at Nova Café which, she said, was choice and the fush and chups sweet as.

Which is to say, she thought the café was very good and the fish and chips were worth ordering.

So naturally when the waitress got to me I said, “Fush and chups, please.”

“Chur,” she said. “Kumara chups?”

I looked at Adriena. “I have no idea what she’s asking,” I said.

Adriena frowned and said, “Don’t be a wally. The kumara is sweet as.”

“Fine,” I said to the waitress. “Kumara,” though I had no idea what that was.

“Chur,” she said again. “Handle?”

Again I turned to Adriena. “She wants to know if you’d like a beer.”

“Yes, please.”

“Three Boys?”

I nodded, hoping she was referring to my handle and not the uni students at the next table.

When my order came, I got a big plate of lightly battered cod and a pile of sweet potato fries—that was the kumara chups—and a lovely wheat beer—the Three Boys. Adriena was right. Nova was choice and the fush and chups was sweet as.

Chur.